It's hard to keep up with all the issues and facts in the Health Care Reform debates. Will reform kill Granny? Am I going to die while waiting for an MRI the way they do in Canada and Britain? Will we end up a socialist atheist society where soda and potato chips are taxed to pay for Obamacare? And what about those White House deals with PHARMA? Will the pharmaceutical industry go bankrupt and will we all die if we don't PHARMA everything they demand?
These are difficult questions and to be honest, it's all just driving us crazy. So, for those who wish to remain SANE until our representative form of government works its magic, here are the answers to everything you need to know about health care reform.
Why do our insurance companies hate us? Do they really want us to die?
Because there are too many of you and too many people leads to massive traffic jams. And that means that successful Americans like health insurance CEOs can't drive really really fast. It's that simple. Too many people is the problem. So our health insurance industry is working on that. (But don't worry, they don't want you to die. At least not yet. There is still money to collect from all of you.)
It seems that insurance companies giving all that money to our elected representatives is wasteful. Wouldn't it be cheaper for the insurance companies simply to give us that money, sort of a payment not to get sick or make claims? Most of us would be as glad to be bought off as our elected representatives are.
One of the little pleasures insurance folks get in life is denying claims. (Don't knock it until you've tried it!) Would you deny them that? That's probably another reason they hate you. (See above FAQ). You keep them from driving fast. You jam up golf courses because there are so many of you and then you play really slowly because you're a crappy golfer! You smell. You want to tax the rich just like in communist countries. You don't dress well. And now you want to deny them the joys of denying claims. And to bribe you – and you offer nothing in return!
". . . marching proudly back to the future . . . "
Showing posts with label Health Care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Health Care. Show all posts
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Ask Your Health Plan lobbyist
And you thought you couldn't afford a lobbyist! Or good health insurance!
How wrong you were. Now, because of the great work that Your Health Plan lobbyist and his colleagues have done, you can get the very best coverage Your Health Plan can afford, and without the nuisance of lines, embarrassing questions, pokes or prods. Just ask Your Health Plan lobbyist! And get your answers right away! What does that pain in your stomach mean? Do you really need a second opinion? Should you buy the expensive drug your have been using - or will two aspirin and a good night's rest do just as well?
Your Health Plan is offering you this one-time offer today only for just $250 a month. Your Health Plan lobbyist will be there for you 24/7 and you won't have to leave your house, find a parking spot, wait in a doctor's office (like a Canadian!), or have to answer embarrassing questions about weight, drinking habits, sexual activities, and who knows what else.
Plus you'll get your questions answered and a clear-cut, no-nonsense plan of action that will get you healthy again and keep Your Health Plan healthy for decades so it will always be there when you need it!
As an added bonus, say you saw this offer here on this website and get a free invitation to Your Health Plan lobbyist's next fundraiser for your favorite local elected officials!
Sign up today and keep your health care costs from bankrupting Your Health Plan.
The following is an example of the excellent medical advice you can get when you have your own personal health plan lobbyist working for you instead of against you.
Dear Health Plan lobbyist:
I'm so thankful for a medical plan I can afford that also won't ruin our great country and lead to socialism, communism, fascism and Nazism. Thank you for your efforts at keeping our country great! But here's my problem: I can't straighten my leg out. My knee is really big, too. And a funny color. And my dog won't come over when I call it, probably because my knee smells really bad.
Thanks for any help you can give me. And keep up your good work on keeping America great and competitive!
Sincerely, Aching in Arkansas
Monday, August 31, 2009
Beat the death panels! or: The Granny Survivalist Guide
They are doing heroic work fighting the granny-killing death panels over at savegranny.com, keepyoursocialisthandsoffmygranny.com, grannygetsagun.org among others. It's too early to say if granny killers been defeated, but everyone can be confident that granny is safer today than she was two weeks ago.
But the problem is: can you trust a man who is afraid to show you his birth certificate? If someone asked to see mine, I'd show it. I'm proud of it. I was born in America and I'm not afraid to let folks now. In fact, I plan to tape a copy to my front door so everyone can see it.
Will he do the same on the front door of the White House?
We can't relax yet. That's why all those fine folk at those God-fearing, abortionist-hating, patriotic websites listed above have a Plan B, just in case the death panels get life breathed into them: products, programs, guidelines and exercises you and granny can do to help her beat the death panels.
We've listed some of the ones we like here. To us, these are heart-warming examples of what made America great: real Americans coming together against those liberal atheist baby-killing unreal Americans and beating the living daylights out of them. And, you know, it's inspiring, too. And isn't it just great fun? I'd forgotten how much I enjoy it!
1. Granny's A Warrior! From the folks at savegranny.com comes this program based on the Navy SEAL program that so successfully taught our commandos to withstand brutal torture at the hands of jihadists. And don't think Granny standing in front of a Death Panel won't be torture! They'll make her stand there for hours without shoes or her orthopedic inserts. They might also turn the air conditioner way up, so she'll be cold and tired. It's all set up so they can say she's no longer of much value and can be put down like an old horse and then shipped to the flue factory. But this Granny's A Warrior program will give her the upper hand. So much so that by the time the Death Panel is done with her, they'll be voting to kill themselves!
2. Granny's Guns Talk! How about a little gun rack that will fit on any wheelchair, walker, cane or neck brace? Have Granny appear before that Death Panel with an assault rifle bigger than she is! Those freedom-hating liberals will wet their pants and run back to their Ivory Towers!
3. Grannies Who Cook! Except now it's more than meat and potatoes. Keepyoursocialisthandsoffmygranny.com will send Granny lots of easy recipes to bring to the Death Panel, including some that require her to shop at her local medical marijuana shop. Give one of those treats to the Death Panels and they won't where they are. Plus they won't remember much about Granny, so she'll be safe at least until the Death Panels call for her again!
4. Surrogates For Granny. Hire a surrogate. We do this to make babies, why not to save Grannies? In this program, an elderly woman will study every detail about granny and go before the death panel in her place. The surrogate is fit, smart, sassy, tireless and charismatic, everything your Granny might not be. But the Death Panel won't know that. And while some people have problems with the morality of surrogacy, when it's to save Granny, it's OK. From Keepgrannyalive.net.
But the problem is: can you trust a man who is afraid to show you his birth certificate? If someone asked to see mine, I'd show it. I'm proud of it. I was born in America and I'm not afraid to let folks now. In fact, I plan to tape a copy to my front door so everyone can see it.
Will he do the same on the front door of the White House?
We can't relax yet. That's why all those fine folk at those God-fearing, abortionist-hating, patriotic websites listed above have a Plan B, just in case the death panels get life breathed into them: products, programs, guidelines and exercises you and granny can do to help her beat the death panels.
We've listed some of the ones we like here. To us, these are heart-warming examples of what made America great: real Americans coming together against those liberal atheist baby-killing unreal Americans and beating the living daylights out of them. And, you know, it's inspiring, too. And isn't it just great fun? I'd forgotten how much I enjoy it!
1. Granny's A Warrior! From the folks at savegranny.com comes this program based on the Navy SEAL program that so successfully taught our commandos to withstand brutal torture at the hands of jihadists. And don't think Granny standing in front of a Death Panel won't be torture! They'll make her stand there for hours without shoes or her orthopedic inserts. They might also turn the air conditioner way up, so she'll be cold and tired. It's all set up so they can say she's no longer of much value and can be put down like an old horse and then shipped to the flue factory. But this Granny's A Warrior program will give her the upper hand. So much so that by the time the Death Panel is done with her, they'll be voting to kill themselves!
2. Granny's Guns Talk! How about a little gun rack that will fit on any wheelchair, walker, cane or neck brace? Have Granny appear before that Death Panel with an assault rifle bigger than she is! Those freedom-hating liberals will wet their pants and run back to their Ivory Towers!
3. Grannies Who Cook! Except now it's more than meat and potatoes. Keepyoursocialisthandsoffmygranny.com will send Granny lots of easy recipes to bring to the Death Panel, including some that require her to shop at her local medical marijuana shop. Give one of those treats to the Death Panels and they won't where they are. Plus they won't remember much about Granny, so she'll be safe at least until the Death Panels call for her again!
4. Surrogates For Granny. Hire a surrogate. We do this to make babies, why not to save Grannies? In this program, an elderly woman will study every detail about granny and go before the death panel in her place. The surrogate is fit, smart, sassy, tireless and charismatic, everything your Granny might not be. But the Death Panel won't know that. And while some people have problems with the morality of surrogacy, when it's to save Granny, it's OK. From Keepgrannyalive.net.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
KILL GRANNY INC
Sooner or later every family has to face it: Granny's going downhill.
It starts with little things. Maybe she thinks Jimmy Carter is president. Or maybe she sends $50 every week to Jim and Tammy Baker. Or maybe she just passes a lot of gas at family dinners and continues putt-putting as she leaves the room.
Whatever it is, if it is happening in your family, you know what it means: time to call Kill Granny Inc.
We are the only company licensed by all the better health insurance companies in the country. Unlike the government end-of-life plan, you don't have to talk to us. We don't send faceless and nameless government bureaucrats to your house unannounced to take Granny away.
But if you need Kill Granny Inc, we'll be right over. We'll come out to your house, meet with you and Granny, and explain what we can do for you to put your minds at rest.
It's all done in an adult and responsible fashion.
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is make that first phone call. But do it. And if you call us today, we'll throw in a talk about what we can do for Grampa at no extra charge. We are approved by health insurance plans nationwide, because we save them money.
Best of all: if Granny has a good supplemental health insurance plan, it will pay for it. So help your Granny now, before her plan cancels her and refuses to pay for anything, including our services!
It starts with little things. Maybe she thinks Jimmy Carter is president. Or maybe she sends $50 every week to Jim and Tammy Baker. Or maybe she just passes a lot of gas at family dinners and continues putt-putting as she leaves the room.
Whatever it is, if it is happening in your family, you know what it means: time to call Kill Granny Inc.
We are the only company licensed by all the better health insurance companies in the country. Unlike the government end-of-life plan, you don't have to talk to us. We don't send faceless and nameless government bureaucrats to your house unannounced to take Granny away.
But if you need Kill Granny Inc, we'll be right over. We'll come out to your house, meet with you and Granny, and explain what we can do for you to put your minds at rest.
It's all done in an adult and responsible fashion.
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is make that first phone call. But do it. And if you call us today, we'll throw in a talk about what we can do for Grampa at no extra charge. We are approved by health insurance plans nationwide, because we save them money.
Best of all: if Granny has a good supplemental health insurance plan, it will pay for it. So help your Granny now, before her plan cancels her and refuses to pay for anything, including our services!
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