Carl Paladino, the New York candidate for Governor of New York, is this weeks Department of Homeland Decency Hero Of The Week. He represents everything we at the Department of Homeland Decency hold dear and in his short campaign he has taken on gays, Muslims, the media, and who knows what else. He is an inspiration to decent Homelanders everywhere.
We believe he agrees with our efforts to return decency to the bedroom. As we have always maintained, our Intelligent Designer designed “it” to be done by a Mommy and a Daddy, which is why the very intimate and private parts of Mommy and Daddy fit together perfectly when they do “it.” This is why they can finish “it” quickly and quietly without moaning or screaming and then get up and go about daily life as if nothing had happened.
On the other hand, if two Mommies do it together, or two Daddies, the parts don't fit, causing pain and anguish, which leads to moaning and screaming, bed squeaking, sweating, joint pain, falling property values, urban blight, STDs, cancer, and increased vulnerability to terrorist attack.
With people like Mr. Paladino on our side, we believe our vision of a better and more decent Homeland will soon come to pass. So, congratulations, Mr. Paladino. And good luck in New York!